With Grandmother-In-Law

Grandmother-In-Law: What did you do today?

GiantPetunia: I went to lunch with my mother, aunts, and sisters.

GIL: Now was that with you “real” mom?

GP: By “real” mom do you mean the woman that carried me in her womb for 9 months and went through labor or the woman that raised me and supported me my entire life?

GIL: Well, I mean your “real” mom.

GP: I went to lunch with the mother with whom I share DNA. Is that “real” enough?

GIL: Yes, that seems “real” enough.


I find it so interesting that my entire life I was asked “Do you want to find your “real” mother?” and I always responded “No, I have a mother.”  Now that I’ve found my “real” mother most people are quick to remind me that the mother that raised me is my “real” mother.  

One of the hardest things I’ve had to internalize during my reunion is that I have two mothers.  Acknowledging that the woman that gave birth to me is my mother and that I feel love for her was not a betrayal of my other mother was difficult yet liberating at the same time.  A mother can love more than child and a daughter can love more than one mother. 


After a 24 year search and 42 year separation I have reunited with my natural family. I share my thoughts, experiences, discoveries here so that others can understand what it means to be adopted -- from my perspective.

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Posted in Adoption, Uncategorized
2 comments on “With Grandmother-In-Law
  1. All mothers are ‘real’ mothers – birth, adoptive, step, foster, and all those without formal connections, but they do the work. Nice post.

  2. Hi, I just read thoroughly and again your comment at First Mother Forum and ended up with tears in my eyes, and more so, after reading the above.Keep on writing and talking; you are doing more good than you know.

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